At any given point in my  life if you would have asked me what I wanted to be “when I grow up” or what career I wanted for myself, I would have given you the same answer; a teacher. That’s exactly what I did with my life, I became a teacher. I taught fifth grade for seven years in a small school district that I loved, it was basically my second home. Year three of teaching I became a wife. Followed by year four, I became a mom. The next three years I learned very quickly that at this point in my life and my families lives, I couldn’t be an effective teacher, a loving wife, and a present mom all at the same time.

This past year during my seventh year of teaching during one of my many meltdowns of feeling inadequate altogether, my husband and I began talking very seriously about the possibility of me becoming a stay at home mom. In October we learned that we were expecting our second child and that conversation became even more serious. After months of budgeting, planning, and back and forth emotions, it was decided that staying home is what would be best for me and our family at this time.

The final months of teaching this year were bittersweet. I love teaching. I love my many “kids.” I love seeing things click for my students. I love when my students make connections, explore their passions, and enjoy learning. However, I do not love feeling like I can’t give my students and my family exactly what they need. My personality is not to just do what needs to be done to get by. I have to feel like I am being successful. I have to be able to give 100% to anything I do and quite frankly that became too hard for me. I could never find a good balance of the three roles. I truly admire those rock star moms and dads that can play all three roles and do it successfully and effectively, unfortunately that isn’t me.

My husband and I would still like one or two more babies after baby #2 arrives in July. After my kids are in school, I am confident that I will be able to juggle it and go back to pursuing the career I love. But for now, I am going to soak up all the time I can with my babies because I know it goes entirely too fast and they won’t be babies long! For now I am going to enjoy every minute I can with my hardworking husband- I am going to say “yes” to those weeknight dates or the late night fires in the fire pit in our back yard because he too deserves a loving and present wife.